February officially marks one year since I harnessed the Aquarian new moon magic and intentionally focused on jumping head first into my Red Tent facilitator training. I am feeling so overwhelmed, grateful, appreciative, and frankly in awe of what the past year has contained.
I honestly lamented for at least a year before deciding to commit to taking the Red Tent course. Like most things, I deeply desire and feel challenged to invest in, I attached my worth to the investment. I remember struggling with how I could recoup my investment if I wasn't going to "do" something with it. I was in the middle of another training program which I took with the goal of learning to energetically "protect" myself. Just writing this tells me how much I have grown in the past year. It wasn't protection I needed, it was boundaries and coming into myself more. I needed to become more unapologetically me! To proudly fly my authentic and vulnerable freak flag. How the hell else could all my other freaks find me? For the record, this is still a big hurdle and something I am continually working on. Women who have sat in circle with me, know that I struggle deeply with self worth and self confidence.
Anyways, back to the Red Tent. I decided that the course was going to be my opportunity to mother myself. This decision came after I once again sought validation/comfort/coddling from my own mother and to my dismay, she couldn't fulfill my horribly high and skewed expectations. It's a bizarre world we live in where we blame women for everything, isn't it? We are so blind to how deeply rooted patriarchy and misogny are, that we struggle to grasp it, and often fall prey to it's unconscious hold.
Taking the course was an act of healing and radical self love. To empower, to validate, and to hold myself accountable for fulfilling my own needs! To really reclaim and OWN my lineage and gifts. I never took the facilitator course with the intention of holding circles. I think I told myself it was something I would do in my 50s as a way to convince my ego that it was justified.
Well here I am a year later. I find myself on the day of the Aquarian new moon once again. I am feeling deeply reflective. Hugely grateful. Immensely appreciative.
It's funny how one seemingly simple decision can pave the way for what feels like my life's work and my true purpose? How all other events, courses, and experiences were somehow a preparation for THIS!
Truthfully, nobody has it all figured out. I still go off track, question myself, and wonder. In December, I had a lapse and thought that I was swaying too far into the depths of femininity. Through experience, reflection, contemplation, and of course, divination, I have realized that femininity is integral to my life and how I live. It is the oxygen in the air I breathe. I know that I have barely even scratched the surface. It is truly my most core desired feeling.
February 7 marked the facilitation of my sixth community Red Tent event. This month also marks the completion of my first Sacred Feminine Circle.
The Feminine Circle is my greatest work to date. It is the true essence of all that I am, all that I value, and all that I hold dear. The Feminine Circle is the compilation of my life experience, of ALL the courses I have invested in and paired down into one practical and transformational program. It is my heart and soul.
I have been deeply humbled by having women confide in me that both the monthly gatherings and the Feminine Circle have been some of the most influential experiences they have been blessed to be a part of.
I can also attest that these circles have filled my cup. They have improved and continue to improve my relationship with myself. They have improved my relationship with my own mother. They have positively impacted my marriage and my family. They allow me to continually bring awareness to the lessons I am here to learn. To continue sharing my struggles authentically and from a place of true vulnerability. To celebrate. To gain confidence. To begin valuing my self-worth. To give back and make a difference for those less fortunate. They have created a ripple effect that is far greater than I will ever know or grasp.
The Red Tent course has allowed me to create the opportunity to sit in circle with women for the purpose of holding space, release, resonance, and for starting to make the intangible feminine wisdom and gifts, tangible. For reclaiming the terms that have been taken and skewed for the soul purpose of hating women. For shedding the shame.
And while I keep reflecting back and giving credit to the course, I think perhaps it was just me. Yes, it was ME, being ready for transformation, for change, for welcoming the beginning of what I had been waiting so damn long for. To start the journey back home to myself.
So what is my goal and intention this new moon? I am planting the seeds of intention to drop the shame, the self loathing, the lack, the scarcity, the too much. To keep journeying home to myself. And to unapologetically speak my truth.
I am owning my inner witch, my shadow, and my magic. And because I am human, I totally own my humanness. Baggage and ALL!
I do ALL of this for myself, because when I have done things out of love and healing for me, with no attachment to the outcome, the ripple effect has been infinite. And if you feel this calls to you, to the depth of your bones, to your soul, I invite you to explore with me.
The next Sacred Feminine Circle is set to begin March 8.