I have felt this overwhelming pull, beckoning me into the depths of the Earth Mother's womb. It began last year, I had this sense that 2016 would be a year of immense solitude and spiritual growth. My instincts were right and it has become my reality.
Truthfully, I am a fairly extreme introvert. I think social conditioning may have me coming across as an aloof extrovert sometimes, to those who don't know me well. Toss in the PTSD, and it can be a struggle to hold it together in spaces with lots of noise, people, fluorescent lights, and unfamiliar surroundings. I often find Facebook chatter draining, and gravitate towards Instagram (who doesn't love pretty pictures?!). I have done an immense amount of healing and have good awareness around my triggers and stressors, but I still have challenging days.
Working from home is ideal for me. Although I do try utilize a co-working space weekly as it's good to force myself out into the "real world" once in awhile ;) Just a couple months ago, I was looking for office space to rent, crunching numbers to calculate how to make it work, getting all up in my head and complicating the SHIT outta my life. Why would I do this to myself? Sometimes I need to explore all the options and when things don't align, I drop them. THANK YOU UNIVERSE, for having my back! I must have some stellar spirit guides nudging me in the right direction when I get ideas that aren't in my best interest. And I do think that I have established a certain approach that if it is going to require tons of effort on my part, that it's best to just let it go.
Following my neurotic affair with having office space outside my home, I decided I needed to move my home office downstairs. I, of course, lamented about it for a few weeks, and then BAM, I decided that was it, and started moving ALL MY CRAP. Of course, this couldn't have waited until my husband was home, nope, it had to be right then. I made my kids earn their keep and put them to work! The result? A lovely little magical cave for myself. Of course, it took much longer than I had anticipated, but it has been SO worthwhile. I organized all my gemstone beads and purged my ziploc baggie system (HA!). I'm much more organized and streamlined, my books and cards are organized by color, and I donated items I no longer need. I still need to frame some of my extensive art collection for my planned gallery wall, but I love my new cozy getaway. It FEELS good. It feels EXPANSIVE.
The act of creating my own cocoon, pairing down my belongings, and organizing the items that remain, has given me the space to gain more clarity on who I am and also that which I treasure (art, crystals, cards, books, treasures from nature). From that, I have starting to advocate for myself and say no to things that don't feel aligned. Even with the awareness and work I have done surrounding boundaries, it's still SO difficult to say no, and to say it WITHOUT explaining myself. People-pleasing tendencies sure die hard!! As with any new habit or venture, it's uncomfortable and takes practice, that's what I keep telling myself ;)
As a self-professed course junkie, this year I have committed to only investing in ones that speak to my heart and soul. One of the courses I am currently taking this year is an astrology dance class with the amazingly talented and lovely Natalie Dinsdale. I LOVE this woman. She read my chart last spring, and her reading catapulted me towards digging deeper and learning more. I have always had a thing for the moon and I love learning about the signs. So when Natalie offered a course melding her two passions, dance and astrology, I jumped at the opportunity (for her info, scroll to the bottom of this post).
Now getting to the live class was like pulling teeth. My bronchitis flared up again, and dancing while trying to not pee my pants coughing didn't seem like a great idea. The following week my son had an injury that needed attention, it was seemingly impossible to get there. After having missed the first two sessions of the five week course, I emailed her and asked if i could continue solely online. She graciously agreed. With the astrological homework and prompts she has provided, I discovered that this innate, almost biological, need for solitude was reflected in the sky. My chart confirmed that the eclipse season affected me in a way that would have me seeking solitude, diving deep with my shadow, and experimenting with more structure over the next six months!! Having my feelings, senses, and subtle knowings mirrored to me through astrology and Natalie's teachings has been SO affirming. It has allowed me to let go of the guilt I was feeling... I could finally stop "shoulding" myself.
I feel immense gratitude for Natalie's teachings. I am always so taken aback to discover things so clearly written in the stars. I experienced countless synchronicities in February (check out my previous post for the full story). The momentum has spilled over and continued through March. These subtle coincidences have given me the confidence and trust to continue moving forward and to sink into my heart space EVEN more.
Committing myself fully to being heart-centered in my life and therefore my business has really led to receiving big waves of creativity, inspiration, and insight. Some ideas won't get past frantically scribbled notes in my journal. I am sure some will be left swimming in some long forgotten corner of my brain. But some, I hope will blossom into something beautiful, meaningful, and valuable.
If you feel called to share, I would love to hear how March eclipse season affected you? If astrology isn't your thing, I welcome hearing about your experiences with solitude, rituals for radical self-love, and honoring yourself <3
As always, deep gratitude for being here and for your support.
For anyone interested, Natalie is offering a second session of dance and astrology, options to attend in-person or complete via distance are available. Her next five week session begins April 12th. Click HERE for more details.