I am on a massive Brene Brown kick currently. I know, I know... I am totally late to the party. What can I say, I hate trends and bandwagons, HA! I do stuff in my own time ;)
After a long hard winter, Brene's advocacy for self-compassion, courage, forgiveness, and examining expectations is exactly what I needed. These last few months have cracked me wide open. I can see how vulnerability is truly a super power and how life has just been leading me towards practicing gentleness, forgiveness, and love with myself <3
I honestly thought that I had my perfectionism cased, that it no longer chased me...or that I chased it. Diving into Brene's work really highlighted at how it's a continual process and how perfectionism can sneak up on us, in all areas of our lives. I have made great leaps but it's definitely something I need to check myself with on a regular basis. Am I seeking to control my environment as a means to gain approval? Am I shaming myself for not doing more or trying harder? Can I allow myself the grace of knowing that I really am doing the best I can? That feels like a big sigh of relief. My reminder to myself is that I really am doing my very best and that it is enough.
A couple weeks ago I blogged about the past being a marker for progress. I've realized that no matter where we are or how we convince ourselves that we have our shit figured out, we are never really done with it. No matter who appears to have their life together, they might put on a good show, but rest assured everyone is struggling with something. I sure as hell don't have it together. I have sat in enough circles with other women to know that ALL of us have areas of our lives that we are struggling with.
What I do know, is that when we can bravely voice our challenges, we lighten our load. That somehow we are able to create a bit of space...and with that space we have the wiggle room to contemplate and perhaps even facilitate a shift. Sometimes it's just a different perspective, voicing our neurotic thoughts tends to take the charge out of them. More often than not, it is through owning our shit and bravely becoming accountable to our story that we are able to process it on another level. This is what I consider growth and progress. Chaotic, messy, real humanness. This is the grit that makes life worth living <3
Here's the mantra for this full moon:
Striving, pushing, refining, and pretending.
That shit stops here.
Is there room for mess?
Cause we all know life is messy.
If there isn't, I walk away,
That's perfectionism whispering in my ear.
If it feels like choice, alignment, harmony
If I can envision beauty amongst the chaos,
That requires a HELL yes!
That's what my wild open heart is ready to receive.